Hi, Reader,

You know this expression: “To take up space?”

I’ve heard it for years, usually as part advice for how to be more confident.

But I have to be honest, for a long time, I wasn’t really sure what the “take up space” idea really meant.

Last week, it finally clicked.

And I think this story, when I share it, will help it click for you, too.

Because most of us need to learn how to take up space in order to truly thrive and live the lives we love.

Or rather, we have to unlearn a lot of limiting beliefs and terrible conditioning to do it.

So here’s the story:

Last week I led the last session of my REINVENT•ABILITY Accelerator.

This is my mentorship program where I work closely with a very small group of people to help them break through limiting beliefs, envision new possibilities, and take action to create the life and work they are meant to lead.

At the end of the last session, I always ask everyone to go around and share the one core thing or breakthrough they are taking away with them.

Last Wednesday, as I listened to these amazing humans, my heart grew by giant proportions — from pride and just being in awe of their courage and progress.

Meredith was one of the women in the group.

And what she shared helped me finally understand what it means to take up space.

(I’m paraphrasing, but she has given me permission to share her takeaways):

“This might not sound like a big deal at all,” she said.

“But there was a moment a few weeks ago when I was at the airport for a work trip. I went to the kiosk to print out my boarding pass but after I entered my information, the boarding pass wasn’t printing out. Something was stuck.”

Meredith began to cry:

“Normally, I would just run away. I wouldn’t want to call any attention to myself and would just try to figure out some other way to get my boarding pass.”

“But I didn’t run away this time! I stayed there and the agent came over and I asked for help. We figured it out and I had my boarding pass.”

“I took up space!” she said, with tears and joy in her voice. “I’ve never done that before!”

She took up space.

It might have seemed like a small thing, but I knew for Meredith it was an inner revolution.

To honor her needs.

To do what she needed without worrying about what others thought of her.

To ask for help and not assume that she had to do it all alone.

This is what it means to take up space: To honor your needs and take action to do what is important to you — regardless of others’ opinions or judgements.

The incident at the airport was the most vivid example of taking up space in Meredith’s mind, but in the 3 months of our work together, she began to take up space in every single part of her life.

She was showing up with more presence and confidence in her new role at work — one that had a greater sphere of impact than her role before.

For her Pivotal Experiment during the Accelerator, she chose to challenge herself by creating a curriculum for a business she and her husband have talked about starting in a few years.

On our weekly Zoom calls with the group, Meredith began to have a more grounded, confident presence, speaking up more, not rushing through her words.

Her transformation was significant and deeply inspiring.

And at the very core of it was her learning how to take up space.

I want you to be honest with yourself for a moment:

Do you take up space?

Do you honor your needs and wants — or do you worry about how others might judge you?

Do you ask for help when you need it — or do you feel like you have to be “strong” and figure it all out on your own?

Don’t judge yourself, just be honest.

Taking up space is something I’ve had to really work to learn how to do.

I’ll tell you a story:

When we came here as refugees from Russia, I didn’t speak much English and the English I did speak came out of my mouth with a terrible accent.

The kids in the middle school made fun of me so I quickly learned to just speak as little as possible.

One of the electives I’d signed up for was flute class. (I have no idea why, to be honest, but I did.)

But I never played the flute, not once.

Why? Because I couldn’t figure out where the classroom was.

Scarlett Middle School in Ypsilanti, Michigan, was much bigger and completely different from my school in Russia.

I had walked around a few times trying to find the classroom listed on my schedule, but I couldn’t.

And I didn’t dare ask anyone. I didn’t dare take up space with my bad English. I couldn’t take them judging me.

So I didn’t go to flute class.

Instead, I hid in a small empty classroom I found.

Lucky for me, it was the typing classroom with a very kind teacher.

She said she would talk to the guidance office and see if I could just study in her classroom during that period when I was supposed to be in flute class.

They said yes and I did.

But instead of studying, she taught me how to type.

I am a really fast and accurate typist… who doesn’t play the flute.

As a 13 year-old refugee, I can be entirely forgiven for not taking up space.

But I’d be lying if I told you that this habit didn’t stick with me for many decades after.

I’ve always hated to “inconvenience” people — by making the passengers behind me wait as I put up my bag on the airplane, or asking for help when I thought I could figure stuff out on my own at work.

I told myself the story that I was just self-sufficient, but that was a cover-up.

I was afraid to take up space.

I didn’t prioritize my needs and wants and instead, worried about how people would judge me.

It’s taken some deep inner work to break through the false narratives and beliefs that prevented me from taking up space. I’ve made huge progress, but it’s something I still have to be intentional about.

The one thing I’ve learned is that when you begin to take up space in one area of your life you take up space in many others.

So if this is something that’s challenging for you, start small.

Take your time putting up your luggage.

Don’t rush through what you have to say at your next work meeting.

Ask for help instead of powering through on your own.

Each time you take up space, it’s a win. You’re learning that it feels good to do it and that the world doesn’t collapse when you do.

And this learning acts as fuel to help you take up space in bigger, more meaningful ways.

So this is your homework for this week: To find an opportunity each day to take up space.

I’d love to hear how you do it — and how this resonates with you! Just reply to this email and let me know, I read all replies myself and do my best to answer.

I will be leading my next small-group mentorship program in the fall, but I am opening up a few early-bird spots.

If you join early, you get a special early-bird rate and get to have a few calls with me and the other early-joiners over the summer. This will be quite special.

—> If you’re at a pivot point in your life and are excited to break through what’s holding you back and take action to take up space and begin to create the life and work you’re excited to wake up to, reply to this email and let’s connect to see if the Accelerator is a great fit.

Here's what Meredith wrote to me after the accelerator ended:

"You have a special way of doing this -- I wish everyone could do this work with you. Talk about changing the world!"

One last story about how taking up space led to one of the biggest moments in my career:

When we launched the Happier mobile app in 2013, I got a chance to speak about it at an entrepreneurship conference in Colorado.

After my short presentation, there was a break and most people left the tent.

I was gathering my stuff as a gentleman walked up to me.

“So, I am not really buying this happiness app stuff,” he said.

What an opener!!!

“Give me your quick pitch again,” he told me.

His name tag was caught in his blazer so I couldn’t see his name or what organization he was with.

But for the next 25 minutes, I gave him my most impassioned pitch about how our gratitude sharing app was going to help millions of people live happier lives.

He definitely tried to interrupt me a few times — this was NOT the short pitch he asked for.

But I cared deeply about what we were building and I didn’t care: I needed to tell him my story.

Finally, we said goodbye and I went to my hotel room.

The next morning I woke up to alarmed texts from my team: Our servers had gone down.

The gentleman I spoke with was with the New York Times and he published a full-page story about us in the business section. (Yes, that's a much younger me sitting on my Mini Cooper that we wrapped in our Happier logo!)

His piece was not roses and sunshine, but hundreds of thousands of people visited our website and signed up to use our mobile app in the coming days.

It gave us our first huge break that we so desperately needed as a small startup.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but what I did was take up space… and time, quite literally.

I’m really proud to remember this story now.

And I hope reading it inspires you to take up space in your life and work.

Because it is only when you honor what’s important to you that you get to create the life and work you’re deeply proud of.

With gratitude,

Nataly

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